Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
