john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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