his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
