i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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