sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
