My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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