She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
