I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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