Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
