yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
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