can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
