Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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