She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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