I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
