i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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