Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
