i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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