Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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