I smell stomach acid.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
