I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
