reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
