just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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