my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
