dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
