The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
