You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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