I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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