OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
