I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
