I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
