if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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