508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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