apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
