Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
