i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
