from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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