Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
