Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
