Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
