Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
