Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
