I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
