is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
