Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
