he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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