i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
