she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
