I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
