i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
