you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
