I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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