It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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